The Experience I feared the most

TammyHair_023_1140‪So yesterday was a big day for me. I started my day at infusion getting hydration and stomach meds, which always makes me, feel better but I then headed to Pure Salon to see the Beautiful Adrienne and Angela to have not only my make-up done and my head shaved…. Yes shaved in prep for loosing it in the coming week. But we were also going because my dear friend Sarah Keast was chopping her hair with me to donate it in my honor. I know I have a good 5-7 more days of hair days being that I just started chemo but I decided I wanted to do this on my own terms and that I wanted to try to donate my hair if I could. I was a mix of emotions including scared, but it actually went ok. My support system makes it fun.‬

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The great news is that Pure Salon, donates through a West Michigan Organization called Children with hair loss and I needed a little less hair so both Sara and I were able to donate to the children. The moment was scary but I was surround by friends that love me and although I thought I might actually break down and Cry I didn’t’. Instead, I was lifted by those surrounding me with love and support and I actually felt beautiful. Both Adrienne and Angela did an AMAZING JOB and donated their services to us yesterday as a surprise so please check them and Pure Salon in the Board Walk Building out.

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After loosing my hair we tied my newly shaved head up in a tight pale pink scarf and headed out to our first Breast Cancer event at Gilda’s Club Grand Rapids that I was invited to by a few woman who happen to be following my page. The location at Gilda’s is beautiful and everything about the event was up lifting. This specific event was an awards banquet to honor the many women who are not only fighting breast cancer but also fighting to raise money to end breast cancer once and for all. It was put on by several organizations including the American Cancer Society and Making Strides against Breast Cancer and I feel blessed to have been invited. I met a lot of women who have walked my path and made some great connections. Although we did have to leave the event a little early because I was feeling pretty drained, I’m so glad we went.

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Once home it was the first time our sweet Corryn would see my shaved head. We have been preparing her all week but didn’t know how well she would take it. Well she surprised us all. She laughed, thought it was funny that mommy doesn’t have hair, referenced that we had to go to the store to get some more and even asked if she could feel it. She’s doing great with all this for only being 2.

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I will admit my saddest moment came after the friends we had watching Corryn left. I took a bath and as I ran my finger through my nearly bald head and sunk into the water I reflected on a moment during the event when the wonderful woman talking announced all of the types of women in her presence. At one moment she mentioned that there was even a woman among us who was just recently diagnosed and was just starting her journey.

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In this moment I knew she was referring to me and it hit me a little hard.I think having my hair go that day and hearing the those words make it real for me for the very first time. I have breast Cancer. I put my head down and realized that there is a lot of this journey that I have come to love that stinks. I do have breast cancer, it’s scary and it’s real. But I Pulled my head right back up with pride because I also have fight and determination so I’m going to use that to beat this. In relishing over this moment with my husband last night I’ll admit I did loose some tears, which he amazingly wiped from my face. We didn’t ask for this, but we are strong and we are going to make it through this and help anyone we can in the process.

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#‎mypersonalpinktime‬