Last February I got a call from my dear friend Vicki. I could tell by the crackle in her voice when she said Hi Sweetie, I have an idea that I want to talk to you about and I want you to be a part of it. Like usual I got goosebumps right away because I knew this little project idea was going to be something meaningful for both of us. I just had no idea it was going to be so perfectly choreographed with the struggles that were unfolding in my own life. However, there is a part of me that believes that Vic knew deep down it was exactly what I needed. Vicki was preparing to turn 60, and in celebration of all of her incredible, sometimes difficult and always lesson-filled years she wanted to come up with a way to give back. So we dove in right away and came up with a plan to not only send love to the 60 women who have inspired, supported, and guided Vicki through the years, but we also we also set out to create a kindness pay-it-forward campaign of our own in, hopes that we could spread kindness even further. We coined our passion-filled project “Project Kindness”. Vicki’s plan was to mail 60 personalized cards to 60 women who have inspired, supported, and helped to guide her over the past 60 years. To take it a step further she wanted to include $5 in each card so that each woman could do something special for themselves, however, our hope was also to inspire each of these 60 women to spread a little kindness of their own by keeping the trail of kindness going.
I knew right away that I wanted my first Project Kindness action to be a lesson for my young daughter. I was fortunate enough to have some pretty strong role models in my life that taught me the value of kindness, however, I remember one lesson, in particular, that was a defining moment in developing my own personal character. I was in 4th grade at Patterson Elementary and there was a new student who was having a really hard time fitting in with the other students in my class. I’m from a small town where everyone knows who you are so looking back now, I can see how hard it must have been to break into social groups that had been forming since preschool. As a 9-year-old, I remember feeling bad when I noticed that this new girl seemed to be a little down. I even remember taking the time to talk to her and make her feel welcome, but when my classmates started teasing her, I froze. I knew what they were doing was wrong, and I knew I was not going to join them. However, I was lacking the confidence that I needed to stand up to my friends in her defense. It was so many years ago now, but I still remember it very well because it was a bit of a struggle for me. Some time had passed and things had gotten better… or less noticeable on the outside, but the teasing or bullying continued to happen a bit behind the scenes. That’s when the school counselor Jane Jordan pulled myself and a fellow classmate into her office. I was a panicked mess when we were called to the principal’s office because I was NOT a kid that got into trouble. When we got there, we were immediately told that we had done nothing wrong. In fact, the counselor actually thanked us for not joining in on the teasing with this student, and told us that she wanted to talk to the two of us specifically because she saw us as leaders in our classroom, and in our school. Most of all, she thought that we might have the ability to help in a bigger way. She talked a little bit about kindness and in a very subtle way she suggested that if we stood up to our classmates in support of this new student, the rest of our class might just follow our lead in welcoming her into the group. Jane may not know it, but in that very short conversation, she helped shape such a big part of the person I am today. She not only helped me to understand and act on my own empathy, but she also helped me to realize how powerful one simple act of kindness can be for someone who needs it. For us, this request seemed like something really small, but to this young girl, it was something much bigger. In fact, it just may have been everything to her in that moment.
This very positive lesson came full circle for me this past year when I found myself in Jane’s shoes. Only this time the new-girl who was struggling to fit in, was my daughter Corryn. For the past few years, Jordan and I have been working towards the goal of moving into the Forest Hills school district because it offers one of the very best educations in the area. Last summer we were on the search for the perfect house in a VERY hot housing market and unfortunately, we didn’t find our home in time for Corryn to start school in her new neighborhood. However, we were lucky enough to win the school lottery and get her into the Forest Hills district at Collins Elementary. In another meant-to-be moment, Corryn was placed in Miss Jenell Spindle’s Kindergarten class the Friday before school started. We got to meet Jenell her teacher, a half an hour before school started the following Monday morning, and within the first moments of meeting her, I knew my baby was in the right place… Janell has a big heart and you can truly see her love for each and every student just by looking into her eyes. She is one of those people that leave a lasting impression on your heart.
I was the classic mom of an only child starting kindergarten; both tearful and excited for my baby to conquer the world. And Corryn, well…. she just couldn’t wait to meet all of her new friends. She had always been little miss social and independent, so we were not worried about how she would do as she embraced this new adventure. In fact, I barely got a hug as the bell rang and she ran off to play with all of the other kids. She loved kindergarten, her teacher, and she had lots of friends that kept her excited to come back every single day. However, all of this changed purchased our new home.
Initially, we were very torn. We absolutely knew that we would move Corryn to Ada Elementary eventually, however, the question was when. Do we uproot her during the school year after she has already formed relationships with both her teacher and so many friends, or do we let her finish out the year with a teacher who knows and loves her and let her start fresh at a new school in the fall? It truly was one of the hardest decisions we have had to make as parents. After all, we were moving for Corryn, yet it seemed to be hurting her the most during in that moment. After a few weeks, we decided to talk with both schools and work together to make the best decision we could. Everyone involved agreed that Corryn was a very confident, flexible and easy-going little girl who seemed to be friends with everyone in the class. In the end, we all felt she would do really well with the transition and decided that she should move schools right away so she could start building relationships with the children that she would essentially be growing up with.
Although the process was hard, it was also seamless. The teachers and principals from both schools communicated with one another to make the transition as easy as possible for us, and for Corryn. The plan was to move her after Thanksgiving break. We didn’t tell Corryn about the move in schools until the week before. When we broke the news, she did seem really sad, however, she was very excited that she was going to be able to go to school with her best friend Jackson, and that she would be able to ride the bus. On her last day at Collins Elementary, we stopped at her new school to take a tour and meet her new teacher Mrs. Anderson. And then took treats to her classmates at Collins where they had a little going away party planned for her. Although Corryn seemed to be doing fine, it was a pretty hard day for Jordan and I. Ok it was pretty terrible. We both walked out the school that morning in tears… Jordan included. We just couldn’t help but feel that everything that we had been fighting for in moving, was now ripping our baby from a school and a teacher who loved her. As I walked into to pick Corryn up that final afternoon, the lump in my throat was quite hard to swallow but I managed to compose myself until I walked around the corner and literally ran face first into Corryn’s teacher Jenell. She had just taken Corryn down to after-school care and she was teary eyed herself. As we walked down the hall to get her together she gave me one more giant hug and told me how much she enjoyed having Corryn in her class and that she really enjoyed getting to know me as well. You could see and feel the love pouring out of this amazing women and when the tears started to stream down her face. Before I knew it, we were both losing it, right there in the hallway. One of the biggest gifts that Jenell gave me was in tearfully telling me that she was really going to miss the “positive energy” that Corryn brought to her class. In that moment I knew she loved my sweet girl and wanted the best for her as much as we did, but my mind also filled with very mixed and fearful emotions that have been spiraling in my mind since the day I was diagnosed.
Saying goodbye was hard, but we quickly shifted our focus to the exciting new adventure that Corryn was going to have the following week. We focused all of our energy into building her up for a positive new start at a brand new school. She was pretty excited from the start because her buddy told her that Ada Elementary had a rock wall in the gym, and because in her own words “she was really excited to make even more friends!” As a bonus Miss Spindle happened to know her new teacher, so she talked with her before we transitioned and got her caught up on all things Corryn. Our new principal Mrs. Van Antwerp and teacher Mrs. Anderson went way out of their way and did an amazing job of making Corryn, Jordan and I feel welcomed into the community they have build within the school. Although it was a hard day for us as parents, we received updates and photos from both her teacher and her principal throughout the day and best of all we got to see very big smiles on Corryn’s face. We were blessed with two amazing schools in one school year put our minds at ease.
Corryn truly loves Ada Elementary however after a week or so, she started to realize that she wasn’t going back to her old school. She started saying that she missed her friends, but it took a few weeks before we noticed a shift in her demeanor. We really wanted to chalk it up to her missing her first kindergarten class initially, but it was more than that. She seemed really down and a bit withdrawn at first, but never wanted to talk about what was bothering her. Sadly I think she has learned how to use a game face from her mommy, which makes me feel even worse. She realized that her being upset, concerned us, so she started keeping it all inside and the impressionable age of five. Although she managed to take it all and stride at school, we could see that she was no longer our confident and social little girl. We could see the sprinkle was fading out of her big brown eyes and it was breaking our hearts in more ways than we could ever count. The hardest part was hearing her break down when she told me that the kids at her new school didn’t like her, and that she didn’t want to tell us because she didn’t want us to think she was weird too. As a parent you are helpless. No matter how much you teach, guide, prepare and plan, you cannot protect your babies when you send them out into the world. But we knew that we had to try.
Making the call was the hard part because we didn’t want to overreact and shield her from a good relationship building lesson, but at the same time, we didn’t want this to become something that defined her early school years. We were happy to hear that her new teacher was already taking notice of the shift in demeanor as well, and she already had a few suggestions for us. Both her teacher and her school counselor jumped into action right away and took the necessary steps to help Corryn navigate through a very challenging situation and even helped her to personally grow from the process.
It was during this very long and emotional process, that I got the call from my dear friend Vicki and the stars again aligned for us. Our conversation took me back to the day I welcomed my beautiful baby into this world, but also to the day that I realized that cancer could take me from her. It hit me like a ton of bricks to again realize I may not have the time to teach my daughter all of the things that I wanted to teach her and most of all, and it I I may not be able to use my own experiences to help shape her into the person I had hoped she would become.
This topic was top of mind for me during that first painful and scary few years, but as anyone who has faced cancer knows, you have no choice but to prepare for the very worst… and hope for the very best. I made a point to talk to my husband about all of the things that I wanted Corryn to know about me and I set a few plans into motion in the process. I reached out to a photographer to ask her to help me document my story so I could create a book for her daddy to give her when she was at the right age if I wasn’t here to do it myself. Cancer has a way of taking over your world and turning everything upside down at the same time, but if you are the parent of a young child this emotional battleground takes you to a whole new level. You try to be hopeful, but cannot help but feel helpless and defeated every single day. It is an epic internal battle that you truly cannot understand unless you have faced it yourself. And if you are an “action” driven “fixer” like myself, knowing that you have no ability or power to change what is happening to you and your family, is by far the hardest part.
When the fear and the sadness took over, I subconsciously distracted myself with planning for the unknown. I had a mental checklist that helped me to push the emotional turmoil to the outer edges of my mind. I spent endless hours making lists of what I wanted Corryn to learn from me in my time with her, I wrote her cards for every milestone I could miss, and I even went as far as contacting women in my life who I felt could help Jordan teach her important life lessons when the perfect time arose. I was determined to do everything in my power to guide my baby girl, even if I couldn’t be here to do it myself. I have learned a lot about myself and my cancer since that very scary first day, and I am now very optimistic about my long-term prognosis, but as another parent and I discussed today; I am a very optimistic person 95% of the time, but there will always be the other 5% that leaves me feeling “cautiously optimistic” in knowing that the floor could fall out from under me at any moment. This is why I have vowed to channel my sometimes crippling fears into heartfelt and meaningful actions and make a difference with the life that I have been given.
Project Kindness Ambassadors
Today marks 4 years to the day that I met Dr. Elaina Tanner and discussed the lump that I found in my breast. Although I gained an amazing friend in Eliana, this memory has taken a bit of the sweetness out of Valentine’s Day these past few years. However, thanks to my amazing friend Vicki for initiating this project one year ago, to Heather, a very very very special and amazing first grade teacher shares my passion to make a difference but also truly holds a special place in my heart, and an equally amazing principal who not only made a trip to my house to discuss this project while I was recovering from surgery, but also allowed me to join her in her own kindness efforts at Ada Elementary; I spent my day full of excitement and joy as I watched this crazy little idea come to life at Corryn’s school with wall graphics, staff shirts, announcements made by the principal and Corryn, videos, and photos. The best part was that I was able to join in the Project Kindness fun that afternoon at Corryn’s Valentine’s Day party and meet a few of the faculty members that I have not yet met.
The idea for Project Kindness was born out Vicki’s desire to give back after a lifetime of gratitude and love, and also my desire to make this world a kinder place for my daughter. The past few years have taught me a lot about who I am and how I hope to be remembered, but this experience has specifically taught me to “be the example” that I want my daughter to learn from. The best part of all this is, that I get to be here to share this project and this lesson with her myself. I cannot help but feel that the experience I had during my own elementary school years truly was meant to prepare me to help my own daughter through the very same experience and that it was meant to ultimately motivate me to initiate Project Kindness within Corryn’s school.
Project kindness is a pay-it-forward campaign that starts in the classroom and encourages our children to be kind in every aspect of their life. The project technically started last year in Mrs. Anderson’s Kindergarten class when where her teacher shared a bit of the background with the students and Corryn completed her first kindness action in making every classmate a card, but… it officially launched school-wide today at Ada Elementary. The process and the specifics will be ever evolving as we set everything into motion this month, but Kim, Corryn’s principal has already done an amazing job of laying a foundation for the program and helping me to put an “action plan” in place for her students. For now the project lives within the walls of Ada Elementary, however, our bigger goal is to walk kindness right out of our school, outside of Ada, and beyond. And our greatest hope is that Project Kindness will become a kindness movement that other schools want to join in on. Together we truly can walk Kindness around the world.
I owe a big thank you to so many who have helped with this process and I want you all to know that this Valentine’s Day… my heart was full of happiness, gratitude, and hope.