I know I haven’t updated in a while, but with all that is going on I needed a little break from the internet. I’m happy to report that I did have a few good things happen over the past few weeks but I have also had some rough days as well. We were really hoping I would feel less sick with this round of chemo due to the 20 percent reduction in chemo however it hit me pretty hard again. Like any other cancer patient, I can now confidently say that Chemo stinks…bad. With that being said, I am remaining optimistic and strong even though I dread treatment far more then the surgeries I’m facing later this year.
During this time away from Facebook I also learned that I really have no idea how to rest and relax. I’ve always been a busybody but I didn’t realize how little I actually relaxed. Now that I have cancer in addition to my other health complications it almost seems as though rest is forced some days. To be blunt It’s killing me to face my body’s new limitations. They say and idle mind is dangerous and I take that to extremes, to the point that I had my first real experience with anxiety because I was doing nothing. I have never been an anxious person and I never really understood anxiety until I felt it. My doctors have tired several times to prescribe me an anti-anxiety medication because it seems to go with the diagnosis but I just didn’t feel that I needed it so the prescription bottle sat unopened until the past weekend when I experienced some anxiety of my own. If you have ever felt it, you know it was awful. So I finally broke down and took the medication, which led to a adverse reaction that not only made it hard to talk, but also made me shake uncontrollably and literally took my vision for almost 48 hours. It was actually pretty scary and yet again reminded me that my doctors and nurses are right. I really am that .1 percent. The good news is after stopping the medication the side effects slowly went away and I am no longer anxious. At this point I’m feeling better and I’m not exactly jumping to add another anxiety medication to my ever-growing list of prescriptions. I’m realizing that if I keep busy even when I’m feeling my worst I feel good from that standpoint so I’m going to move forward with my new found understanding and empathy for those dealing with anxiety on a daily basis and hope that it doesn’t happen again.
That was the not-so-great news. The good news is that I finally got in to a neurologist in Grand Rapids, she agreed to follow the migraine treatment that my neurologist from the Cleveland Clinic established and I actually got in for Medical Botox injections for my migraines because of a random cancellation. It takes a few weeks for the Botox to fully work but I’m hoping to have less or at least less painful migraines in the next week or so. I am also feeling a little better about my next chemo treatment because I know that when the third bag of chemo starts to again induce a killer migraine, my nurses will now be able to get me IV Migraine medications because I have a neurologist in the Spectrum Health system. Which is awesome.
In addition to Botox I also had the best weekend this past weekend because I am feeling good again (actually really good) and I got to spend some very very very much needed “pink time” with my dear sweet “heart friend” Vicki who as we know inspired this entire “pink time” Blog 5 years ago when we created her breast cancer journey blog. Vicki and I have been very connected over the past few months from calls, texts, and cards…. but I have not been able to wrap my arms around her “in the flesh” since before I was diagnosed until this past weekend because of the distance between us, so it was a bit emotional and quite wonderful at the same time. 3 days of sharing and enjoying each other’s company was just what the doctor ordered. She is simply amazing and left me feeling yet again inspired to kick caner’s butt. I miss her so much already.