My Personal Pink Time

In honor of World Cancer Day…

February 4, 2016 by admin

I would like to encourage every woman out there to do a self-breast exam.

BREAST CANCER REALLY CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE…. The truth is not all women diagnosed with this awful disease are over the age of 50… over the age of 40… or even over the age of 20. Despite what we are often lead to believe, not all women who are diagnosed with breast cancer have a family history of the disease. Not all women diagnosed live an unhealthy lifestyle that includes low activity levels, overeating, smoking, or even the heavy consumption of alcohol. The harsh reality is; sometimes women who think they are doing everything right to take care of themselves and their bodies, still get breast cancer.

I am that person. I never thought it would happen to me, but I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 33. I do not have a family history of the disease. I very rarely have a drink. I have never smoked and I stay pretty active. I knew the risks and I lived by them, yet it still happened to me. I am proof that breast cancer can happen to anyone, and more importantly, I am proof that breast cancer can happen to you.

In honor of those of us who are fighting and those who can no longer fight, I encourage you to be proactive in your own health and push those you love to do the same. No matter how old you are, it is important that you know your body, that you check yourself often, and that you ask your doctor to preform a routine breast exam, men included.

Early detection really does save lives.

‪#‎mypersonalpinktime‬ ‪#‎worldcancerday‬

Ellen here we come: A Journey 5 Years in the Making

February 2, 2016 by admin

Have you ever had a moment where it seems like the entire universe aligned around you and something that you really wanted to happen but never thought was possible…. actually happened? It doesn’t seem real yet, but this is happening to me. As most of you know my journey with breast cancer really started when my Aunt Pam was diagnosed and lost her battle when I was in high school. Not many people know this, but when she passed away, I made a promise to myself and to her that I would someday honor her by getting involved with the cause. I did a few awareness campaigns while I was in college, but I didn’t really feel like I was making a difference until 2011, when Vicki and I came together to create a campaign to nominate Vicki to be a guest on the Ellen DeGeneres show and fulfill her wish to share her breast cancer story with the world. Since Vicki had referred to her time with breast cancer as her “pink time” we decided to create a “pink time” facebook page to rally support for her wish. “Pink Time” first became the reference used when discussing her journey with Family and Friends. As well, being the reference to the singer “PINK” whose music provided courage and strength while the chemo drugs were being pumped into her body. Our efforts weren’t enough to get Vicki on the show that October, but a very beautiful friendship was born between the two of us.

taking my life back

February 1, 2016 by admin

What does the phase “taking my life back” really mean to someone who has or is facing Cancer

This is actually a post that I wrote most of, this past summer and couldn’t bring myself to post until I found it again overtaking my thought process.

So here’s some truth. The phrase “I cannot wait to take my life back, doesn’t mean exactly what you think it does, or there is at least a whole lot more to it then you think. As a breast cancer patient, we don’t really have to tell you about the obvious things that we are longing to put behind us, like wanting to have hair again, wanting to spend less time at the hospital or at doctors visits, being able to raise our arms above our head again, being able to plan for things without taking future surgeries and hospital stays into account, having two breasts, being able to buy an age-appropriate bra outside of a mastectomy fitting room at the cancer center, and most of all being able to play with your child without feeling winded, overcome with exhaustion, pain, shortness of breath, or fatigue. The truth is some of this will get better in time, and some of it won’t, but when I say that I cannot wait to take my life back, I mean so much more then all this.

The honest and real truth is that the hardest parts to “take back” so to speak, are most often the parts that we choose not to tell anyone about. Like the fact that you completely lose the ability to relate to “normal people” including your family and your closest friends, that you really no longer know how to have fun because you find it really hard to separate yourself from the new fear-based cancer version of yourself, and most importantly that you feel extremely isolated and alone at times even when you have the biggest support system and you are surrounded by family and friends that love you, because it’s not possible for others to understand where you are at mentally and emotionally unless they have been there themselves.

My very first Shaping a Pure Salon

January 28, 2016 by admin

After a very intense 2-hour physical therapy session at Lemmon Holten to start stretching and breaking up some cording and tightness in my left shoulder, torso, and arm that has worsened since my surgery, I headed over to Pure Salon for my first haircut… ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves it was more of a shaping but it still felt good to sit in a salon chair again.

Moving past the fear of getting “too close”

January 20, 2016 by admin

Moving past the fear of getting “too close”, and learning to be “at peace” with saying goodbye. When you’re diagnosed with something as scary as cancer a external transformation obviously happens as you progress through treatments and surgeries, however what those who haven’t experienced it personally may not realize is that an internal transformation also happens as well. In a sense you almost become a super human version of yourself. Every sense, every feeling, every fear, and every perception is heightened to the max and you are all of a sudden aware of everything around you to an extreme you have never experienced… the good and the bad. I have come to accept this transformation as a gift. Unlike most, I now see the beauty in even the dreariest days, I appreciate the littlest moments, and I take the time to be grateful for each and every day I have here, however there was a point about half way through my treatment where this transformation put me in a very fragile emotional state and almost made me withdraw from everything that I am and everyone that I cared about. I even withdrew from “My Personal Pink Time” for a while. I never thought I would actually explain why, however the conformation of some news that I have been dreading, has left me with a need to share.

Good laugh | 3 year olds say the funniest things

January 14, 2016 by admin

One of my biggest concerns in the beginning was how all of this was going to affect my sweet girl being that she was only 2 and a half when I was diagnosed. We decided that we didn’t want to hide what was happening to me, but rather do our best to explain things in a way that a toddler could break down and understand. In the beginning it was important to show her the bandages and the scars that she now calls mommy’s owies because she needed to know that she had to be-careful around me, which did back fire a few times in public because she would pull down my shirt and say I wanna see your owies mommy. 😀
Over the past year, she has started to understand it more and more and she always manages to make us smile in asking questions and voicing her opinion about all of this. I have been writing our conversations down since the beginning, even when what she says is sad. I just want to it documented. (Lord knows chemo-brain makes it hard to remember otherwise) but I have to share this conversation from today.

A Morning started in fear

January 12, 2016 by admin

If you have ever been diagnosed with a serious health condition, you know that any appointment that ends with the words “I’m sending you to radiology for an ultrasound right away” has the potential to test any confidence you have and fill your mind with fear. This was how my morning started. A few weeks back I found a small lump deep in my armpit nested very closely to my tissue expander. I immediately talked myself into believing it was nothing, however I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I shared my discovery with a friend who has also faced breast cancer this past week. Her advice was to call my oncologist to have this checked out right away just to be sure. I made the call Friday late afternoon and was given a 9:00 am appointment today.

Saying Goodbye to 2015

December 31, 2015 by admin

I have been looking forward to December 31st for so long because I couldn’t wait to put the hardest year of my life behind me. I woke up to one of facebook’s shared memories of photos from past New years Eves. Before I knew it, I was overcome with emotion and found it impossible to hold back the tears. Looking back at photos of our annual low key New Years Eve party with our best friends the Keasts and our girls, I realized just how clueless I was about what was about to smack me…. really all of us in the face. My mind was instantly flooded with memories of receiving the terrifying news, cold exam rooms, painful procedures, the wedge it put in our marriage for the first few months, the surgeries, infections, passing out at every turn, hospital stays, daily IV infusions, being sicker then I have ever been before, losing my hair, brows, and lashes, constantly seeing fear and sadness in the eyes of my closest friends and family, loosing parts of my body that I used to hold sacred and most of all, coming to terms with the constant fear that cancer was going to leave my baby girl without a mommy and my husband without a wife. But then something pretty special happened. I started receiving texts from my closest friends and family, and from people that have come into my life this year that I never would have met if it hadn’t been for my cancer diagnosis. Everyone was of course joining me in saying goodbye to 2015 and wishing me joy and good health in 2016, but to my surprise they were also thanking me for what knowing me during this journey has brought to their lives.
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Full Surgical and Post Surgical Update: Reconstruction part 3, ovariectomy, chemo port removal, fat grafting

December 30, 2015 by admin

The Morning of Surgery came quick since I really didn’t get any sleep. We had to be at Butterworth at 7:30 so we met my friend and Photographer Sam in the lobby at 7:15. After 5 minutes of talking in the Surgery waiting room with this amazingly funny woman I actually forgot what I was there for. My best friend Sarah met us as we were led into the pre-op room. They didn’t run as many tests before this surgery so we actually had some time to just hang out and catch up. Putting my husband, my sister wife Sarah, and Sam in a room is always a recipe for belly laughs so the time before my surgery was actually kind of fun.

Oddly every nurse that talked to me and my anesthesiologist seemed very surprised that I was having so many different Surgeries done in one day, but I’m still very happy that I was able to check so many things off my list before the New Year. However the mood seemed a bit different with the medical staff this time around. More serious for some reason or maybe it just seemed that way because we were having so much for in the pre-op room before they came in to get me ready.

My Christmas Wish

December 24, 2015 by admin

As a mom going through cancer treatment it’s really hard not to feel guilty about what your treatment and care is taking from the ones you love. I feel like Corryn has missed out on so many fun things this year because of me, so there was no amount of pain that was going to keep me from taking her to experience her “magical Santa moment”. As we got her ready to climb up on to Santa’s Lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, I overheard Jordan as he whispered into Corryn’s ear “tell Santa you want your mommy not to be sick anymore… that’s what daddy wants this year”. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to hold back the tears that were filling my eyes in this photo.

My journey

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