Well my weekend plans have changed just a bit. Rather then spending the evening with our bestie’s tonight, spending the day at the spa tomorrow with a friend, and spending quality time with my hubby, I’m now planning a weekend escape at Casa Day Blodgett aka the hospital for another possible infection on the other side now. Fingers crossed it’s clear and I get to go home tomorrow.
In the words of a Friend
I cannot tell you how many messages, texts, and posts I have received in the past few days that have not only given me hope, but also given me more strength and determination to kick cancer’s butt. (In fact I have not even gotten through them all) However this message that I received from a dear friend of mine today hit home on a lot of levels and lifted me in a way I didn’t think possible.
Surrounded by Love
A former bridal client turned amazing friend sent this to my personal page and it just seemed fitting to share it on here as well. I still have not broken down and fully cried since the start of this journey, however hearing this song reminds me of the all the amazing people I have surrounding me right now and I will admit my eyes did well up. Jessica Thornton you truly are one my rocks. I cannot thank you enough for being such a great friend. Love you to pieces.
Gone Viral
After a pretty intense day, I received a phone call from a reporter at Fox 17 news who mentioned that a few people whom I do not know had contacted them saying that they felt what I was doing was inspiring others and it was worth sharing. I’ll be honest, I had literally just got home from my getting my “scary” news and after getting only an hour of sleep the night before, getting the news about my treatment and then talking to a few of my other doctors on the phone with updates from the day, all I really wanted to do was take a nap.
Genetic and Oncotype Results
Today was in a sense “D” day with my amazing Surgical Oncologist Dr. Marianne Melnik who performed my bilateral mastectomy just over 3 weeks ago (My first surgery). Before walking into the exam room I was greeted by hugs from both Dr. Melnik and her amazingly sweet and helpful nurse practitioner, Kim. With a camera in tow I began to explain that I had a photographer documenting my journey in photos and that I really wanted something bigger and more positive to come from all of the negative that seemed to be surrounding me. Although Sam was not able to be with us today, Jordan acted as a stand-in to capture the raw moments. Watching both of their faces light up as I talked of my plans filled my heart with warmth and joy and oddly distracted me from our meeting intentions.
I’ll be honest, over the past few weeks I have been preparing myself to hear that I would only require 5 years of hormone therapy in pill form and at the most 5 weeks of radiation treatment, however the Onco-type testing results from tissues taken at the time of surgery came back with higher levels then expected which means that my treatment course now requires chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy. As Dr. Melnik gave me the news my heart sank and my body and mind instantly went numb. In a weird way having cancer without the need for chemo almost felt like not exactly having cancer, or at least having a lesser form. Now that chemo is in my future this cancer and this diagnosis seems so much more real and in a way it feels like I am now having to tell everyone the bad news for the very first time all over again.
Infection Update
My appointment this morning with my plastic surgeon went well lots of with lots information. It turns out that I had a pretty nasty infection leading to last Sundays emergency surgery (I forget the name of the actual infection but she kept saying it was one of the bad ones and that it started at the drainage tube site. Her kind eyes confirmed she did everything she could, but there is no way she could have saved the tissue expander on that right side due to the severity of the infection. Sadly I had felt the pain in the drainage tube for a day or so, but thought it was normal and didn’t make the call. (if ever in this situation don’t make my mistake, MAKE THE CALL) Away, she was thankful I called when I did because I guess it would have gotten much worse and it could have moved further through my body.
Downside is that I’m still at kind of risk for this infection for a while. They cleaned it out good, but it was a bad one so she’s not taking any chances. More and new stronger antibiotics, and no new tissue expander or implant for 6 months, which of course makes me sad. She will plan to do a fatty tissue graft/implant to fill the hole as soon as we can, which will make it look a little better. However, if I have to have radiation then we will be waiting two months before that procedure. Again a bummer.
Dr. Tammy Kreuzer
Dr. Tammy Kreuzer
This physician and more importantly this woman is nothing short of amazing. She performed my triple Biopsy a few short weeks ago to start this entire journey. Her gentle approach, her amazing bed-side manor and her ability to relate, put me at ease before we even got started. Let me start by saying that biopsy’s are not exactly pain free or fun in anyway, but she had me laughing and joking the entire time to take my mind off of what was actually happening. At the same time she was also very honest and open about what she was seeing which was so helpful to me. I’m assuming this experience for many is not a good one, however looking back, my hour with Dr. Kreuzer and my amazing nurse, who both seem way more like friends was a positive experience despite our malignant findings. If you have to get this type of news, these are the ladies you want to deliver it.
To get to the point, I came across this video of Dr. Kreuzer discussing one of the many ways they/she detects breast cancer in women of all ages. Although this discussion is not related to me and is not at all the type of procedure I had, I still feel it is a quick informational video that anyone with a lump, fear or family history may find helpful so I’m sharing it with all of you
GoFundMe
We all know how fast things happen on facebook so I feel it’s necessary to address the GoFundMe account that my dear friend Sarah Keast selflessly set up for my family in the days following my diagnosis. I’m going to start by saying that this will be one of my hardest posts to date, although I’m sure I’ll top it in the coming days or weeks. I truly believe in these pages for the right reason/people and I am both honored and humbled by the fact that she did this for me. (Although I will admit I never thought there would ever see one with my name on it)
I have to be honest and admit that although I was grateful when I found out what my sweet Sarah had done for me, I also instantly felt awful because it is just “not me”…if that makes sense. I know this may seem odd considering how open I have been with all of you on here since my diagnosis, but I have always been a very shy, timid or almost guarded person so I kept my distance from the account for a bit to not only except that it is real and out there, but also to allow myself feel Sarah’s love and kindness as well as to open my heart to others love and kindness.
Heart to Heart
My heart friend, my daily motivation, and one of my biggest inspiration’s sent me a book titled Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie after my diagnosis. This book has been a huge force in her life for over 25 years and she felt I could use it the most right now. Boy was she right. It’s not a long read, but more daily thoughts or reflections to lift your heart, free your soul, and help you see the good around you or the bigger picture as I often call it.
Today’s message was titled “Heart Connections” which is so powerful for me considering Vicki and I have always referred to each other as “heart-friends”. Reading it made me realize how and why she came into my life like the positive and passionate force that she did those years ago and even more how it was all meant to be in part of this greater plan.
Mommy’s Ouchies
When you’re faced with something as life-altering as breast cancer everyone you see seems to look at you with fear filled cancer eyes but the last thing I wanted to do was let my 2 see or feel that fear. At two years old your life is supposed to be filled with fun filled play dates but those days stopped on February 16th when I received my diagnosis. Our lives have been turned upside down, but so has our sweet girls. Instead of spending her days learning letters and playing with mommy she is now watching everyone care for her mommy.
