After a long infusion and a nice dinner out with my hubby we returned to our oddly quite and toddler-free house to find three more loving packages. My inspirational heart friend Vicki sent me the affirmation list she read to herself everyday during treatment. We had talked about these affirmations 5 years ago when we-together were sharing her breast cancer journey and she had mentioned them to me the day I was diagnosed, however she said she needed to wait until the right time to share with me. Let me just say… Today was the right day.

After tearing up a bit with Vicki’s card and letter, I opened the sweetest package from a little 4 grader from my hometown and his entire 4th grade class. It started with the sweetest letter of support from his mom. This little forth grader met me only a few times when he was a lot younger through some friends. After hearing I was sick he wanted to make me a card but he thought it would be better if he had his whole class make cards for me. So I came home to a pile of beautiful and hilarious cards of support that are full of fourth grade humor. I cannot help but smile right now.

I recently read a quote about how you never really know how much people love or like you until you get sick. It’s odd to think like this but in so many ways it is true. I know I’ve said this before, but there is nothing fun about cancer, however so much good has and keeps coming from this. I learn more about myself each and every day, I am doing my best to make only positive changes in my life, and most of all I feel love and hope all around me.

‪#‎mypersonalpinktime

Treatment Update:
Yesterday I meet with both Dr. Melnik, my surgical oncologist along with her chemo nurse and Dr. Timek my plastic surgeon after starting my day with infusion. Busy day.

All appointments went pretty well. Dr. Melnik decided to reduce my chemo amounts and now formulate the three types of chemo that I receive every three weeks to my body size rather than protocol because she believes I physically took way too big of a hit with round one. She was confident that this is still very effectively fighting my cancer and shouldn’t add rounds to my treatment course. The good news is that both she and her chemo nurse Marianne believe this will greatly impact how I feel after round two this coming Monday, which does make me dread it far less. I’ll be honest it’s hard to know that although you feel good right now, you’re going to be sick in a few days. It’s like knowing you’re going to get the flu every third Monday, which stinks. But I am feeling far more optimistic about round two after yesterday’s appointments.

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Can I have more children?

I know a lot of you have been wondering and it just makes sense to address this question the day after Mother’s Day, which by the way was a very good day for me. This is a post that I have been wanting to write for a while now. But at the same time it is also a hard one for me to write. The short answer to this question is that we may be able to have another child, but not the traditional way.

One of the first questions I asked when I was diagnosed was “can I have more children”? Jordan and I had been planning for a 2015 baby so this was very top of mind for me. Outside I may have looked calm, but on the inside I was a wreck. I have been planning baby #2 since Corryn was born. I’m talking… Names picked out and nursery designed in my head planning. Secretly I had even purchased a few things.

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I won’t say today has been a sad day, but it has been kind of a blah day. It’s dark and dreary outside, I had to say goodbye to my sweet little girl for a few days, I’m officially really losing my hair…. And it’s going fast. So I may have been a little less peppy today. Until now.

I’m sitting here at the Spectrum Lemon Holton infusion center, reading Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr, which is very good by the way… and chatting with my amazing chemo infusion nurse Seay, when one of the other nurses hands me a little gift that was dropped off for me. In a pink bag of course.

My new friend Kim, whom I have not met in person, but is following this page and going through all of this newly diagnosed “breast cancer” stuff along with me; heard I wasn’t sleeping so she put together an essential oil cream to help me. Plus she paired it with this awesome card. To further that literally 5 minutes later a new and wonderful chemo buddy Ann brought me over a pink ribbon pin and the gift of her optimistic conversation. Oddly I had been planning to purchase a pin for my chemo bag so Ann was just inside my head today.

I honestly cannot believe how amazing my support system is. I do feel the love and my pep is back.

‪#‎mypersonalpinktime

‪So yesterday was a big day for me. I started my day at infusion getting hydration and stomach meds, which always makes me, feel better but I then headed to Pure Salon to see the Beautiful Adrienne and Angela to have not only my make-up done and my head shaved…. Yes shaved in prep for loosing it in the coming week. But we were also going because my dear friend Sarah Keast was chopping her hair with me to donate it in my honor. I know I have a good 5-7 more days of hair days being that I just started chemo but I decided I wanted to do this on my own terms and that I wanted to try to donate my hair if I could. I was a mix of emotions including scared, but it actually went ok. My support system makes it fun.‬

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Pre-Mother’s Day Gift from My Hubby
My husband did a little photoshoot of my sweet Corryn and I this past weekend as an early Mother’s Day gift while I still have hair. Here are a few

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‪A Scary Day for Tam and For Those of us Who Love Her
Hey everybody this is Jordan, Tammy’s husband. Tammy is back in the hospital again. She passed out a couple times yesterday afternoon and when I brought her in to the ER her blood pressure was 60/40. Very low. Within a few minutes of bringing her in the nurses were yelling CODE RED and stripping her clothes and shoes off as fast as they could. The scariest part for me was seeing a few nurses get a crash cart ready. Luckily they were able to bring her numbers up without having to use it. They admitted her last night and have been giving her IV meds and fluids around the clock, which seems to be helping. Her color is much better and she is getting more stable on her feet. She has an echo scheduled for 10:30 this morning. Keep her in your thoughts.

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The past few days have been pretty rough. All of the infection and hormone mediation that I have been on has made it hard for me to eat or drink much thus making me really shaky, weak and just over all crumby feeling. Yesterday I saw my surgical oncologist and my plastic surgeon among a few others and all were very worried that I was a tad too malnourished and dehydrated so I after talk of admitting me again they decided I could just do outpatient fluids with IV medication however right as I finished that part up and got ready to head home I started experiencing VERY severe pain in my left breast that was almost shooting through my chest. Read More

I was released from Spectrum Blodgett Campus tonight, but was in a way released on red alert because my infection is not 100% out of my system. After surgery infections do not happen often, however they do happen and unfortunately I fell into that small statistic. Both my goal and my surgeon’s goal is to take care of this infection without having to remove my left breast tissue expander/spacer, so I left the hospital with two VERY strong antibiotics and a very determined mindset. It is my job to now become the “hypochondriac” that I have never wanted to be for the next 48 hours and call my surgeon if I notice or feel anything different before I see her in her office this Wednesday. The worst-case scenario would be for this infection to get worse and require the emergency removal of my expander so please keep your fingers crossed for me.

It’s good to be home and in my own bed, but I must again send a huge “thank you” to Dr Timek for making herself available to me on her weekend and to all of my doctors and nurses at Spectrum Blodgett for taking such amazing care of me over the past few days